Here are a few of the things that make me happy:
- Cold Beer
- Good Sex
- The Golden Girls
Because I enjoy happiness, I spend a lot of time outside. I eat a small piece of chocolate every night after my kids go to bed. There’s always beer in my fridge and I own every episode of The Golden Girls.
Also because I enjoy happiness, I pursue good sex. Because the best sex involves another person, attaining it can be more complicated than a trip to the grocery store or stepping into my backyard.
For me, the search for good sex extends beyond pleasurable genitalia, impressive stamina, and even a pretty face. Beauty and technique matter, but not as much as a person’s ability to inspire me or make me smile. Sex toys have come a long way–if a firm, sizable cock was all I required, I’d have run off with Alan long ago.
The necessity of a great personality is a somewhat regrettable complication. Tindr, that abomination, unites a bazillion people each day. It strips folks down to a few favorable pictures and a brief, self-imposed synopsis. Matches are easy and uncomplicated. If somethings goes wrong, swipe left (or is it right?) and it’s onto the next.
Causal sex becomes less casual when personalities get involved, but without personality, what fun is sex? Physical release is intense, amazing, healthy, and necessary, but I don’t know that I’d call it fun. Fun is eye contact pulling you towards a first kiss. Fun is a full body spark emanating from a bare knee. Fun is exchanging breath while laughing.
Fun is intimacy. Intimacy is arousing. Is it also inherently non-casual?
If I have sex with you, I like you. I might like you like I like sunshine, gaining from you a warmth that fills me and sends me straight to sleep. I might enjoy you like I enjoy classic TV, relaxing fully when we’re together and delighting in your good humor. I might close my eyes and savor you like you like a Hershey’s Kiss.
Whichever form it takes, like differs from love. Likewise, a desire to have sex with someone only sometimes coincides with wanting to form a committed relationship. There’s an obvious, glowing overlap in the Venn Diagram of sex and attachment, but there are singular spaces, and they don’t all represent anonymous sex.
I seek happiness, and I know what it is. It’s coconut yogurt with chocolate chips. It’s sunny cheeks. It’s cheap beer in a baby pool. It’s a flower the day before its death.
And it’s the sweat behind his neck. It’s the arch of my back. It’s frantic fingers and shuddering thighs. However intense and however intimate, sex can also just be happiness.
When we’re truthful with ourselves and with our partners, we’re granted the freedom to enjoy what we enjoy. When coyness morphs into game playing, we only limit ourselves. Too often, we restrict pleasure out of fear or perceived obligation. I’m not suggesting irresponsibly or hedonism. Contrarily, I’m casting a vote for honesty.
The best sex is shared between people who understand each other’s relevant needs. If you’re forming a relationship, you may want to discuss future goals. If you’re embarking on a one night stand, find out how he likes his dick sucked. And if what you want falls somewhere in between, say what’s honest, do what’s true, seek pleasure and harm no one.
Nothing could be more simple, or more casual.