There are tons of unsavory toys out there. Some are bad boys  and others are simply bad. You don’t hear about many of them here, because the toys I review are sent to me by manufacturers I trust. Unfortunately, even stellar manufacturers occasionally create regretable toys.

The Screaming O Go Stix is a bad toy. I liked him when I first saw him. He’s discreet, interestingly shaped, and he comes in mint green. He’s also disposable–after thirty minutes of vibration, he conks out and you can stick him in the trash. He’s screams convenience. I was crushing on him so hard, I didn’t even notice how much he resembles a tampon.

Tonight, I gleefully ripped open his package. Screaming O thoughtfully put notches on the sides to make retrieving the toy easy, like airplane peanuts or fruit snacks. Then I slid the button on the bottom, felt his one speed and thought, “Oh no.” My first impulse was to put him back in his package, seal it up, and gift him to a friend with terrible taste in toys. But the package is not resealable and I don’t have any friends with terrible taste in toys.

With a sigh, I searched my toy box for a penetrating toy with enough promise to make up for the inevitable disappointment of Go Stix. “If Bouncer can’t do it, no one can,” I muttered, and we all got down to business.

I won’t lie–I kept Go Stix in the game for all of a minute and a half. Not only was it not doing the job, it was downright annoying. I’ve talked about the difference between a cheap motor’s buzzy vibration and the intense rumble of a quality toy. Buzzy isn’t impossible to work with, but this “super slim vibator” is beyond buzzy. I felt like I was holding an angry fly to my clitoris. I could barely feel it, and yet still it managed to irritate me.

Like all Screaming O toys, Go Stix is cute. Unlike some of my Screaming O favorites, he’s otherwise entirely useless.

Don’t want to take my word for it? Get yours here!