I’m Not Trying to Turn You On
To kickstart the Instagram documentation of my afterglow filled day-o-fun with the Maro Kawaii vibrator, I posted this photo:
It’s just a girl and a guy, eyes fluttering open, smiles spreading across faces, brunch being suggested, last night’s clothes shyly recovered….Okay, it’s a girl staging awkward half-selfies with a sex toy sometime between bathing the kids and losing all natural light.What it isn’t, or at least what it isn’t supposed to be, is alluring, provacative, scandalous, or even sexy. But shortly after I posted it, a friend texted, “Do you really want to be posting pictures of yourself in bed with a sex toy?”
Once I explained my plan and she understood the context, her reaction was different. Still, it brought up a topic I’ve struggled with since well before I started publishing detailed accounts of masturbation on the ever-living internet.
I’m not trying to turn you on. I write about sex and toys and masturbation because they excite me and I want them to excite you. I find them valuable, and I like almost nothing as much as I like sex and writing.
But I don’t want ME to excite you. I mean, if I do, thanks. That’s an awesome compliment. But that’s not what I’m going for.
In summary, you should be excited about the toys, and the words, and sex and masturbation in general. You should not be excited by me. Except for in the sense that you’re really excited about how awesome I am, in a totally non-sexual way. Also, if you think I’m sexy, I appreciate that. But that should only be like the third or fourth reason you’re excited, not the primary.
You see? It’s confusing.
One wouldn’t expect the line between sexually liberated, communicative retailer and porn chick to be easily blurred. I don’t have sex or show my stuff for money or on film. In the past seven years, only one man has seen my vagina, but I have no idea how many have read about it.
Still, I don’t feel exposed. I’ve never hung my head the morning after a toy review. If there’s such a thing as a sex blogger’s walk of shame, it’s a path I’ve never taken.
For a time, I shied away from toy reviews because I knew that a semi-guarded attempt would be worthless and kind of insulting. Knowing how vibrations feel in my hand is as useless to you as knowing how a shoe looks on a shelf. A real story answers real questions and sex toy shoppers more than any others have real questions.
I’m passionate about sex. I’m in a position to educate about toys. I enjoy writing. I don’t mind using “research” as an excuse to put my husband on dinner duty.
So, if you’re interested, read my thoughts about sex, life as an adult store owner and sex blogger, and my reviews of DVDs and toys. It will not make me feel violated or exposed. It will make me feel empowered and proud, and I hope you’ll feel that way too.