So here’s a story for you. A month or so ago, a cute little collection of toys showed up on my favorite distributor’s website. I’ve been burned by cute before, and besides, they had that “Kawaii” thing going on that I’ve personally been over since Hello Kitty. But my favorite distributor looks out for me, and when I’ve skimmed past a toy worthy of Taboo’s attention, she’s sure to put a few in my face.

Fast forward to last week, when Michelle stopped me just as I was walking out of the shop. “What are these guys?” She asked, a Maro Kawaii box in each hand.

“Ah, yeah, cute, right? Okay, let’s see what they do.” I stifled a yawn, put down my bag, and we unboxed them. That’s when this happened:

That’s the look of Michelle and me being mind blown. It’s not something you see often. We play with toys on the daily and it’s barely an exaggeration to say we’ve seen it all. The power that these–I’ll admit it–adorable guys pack is breathtaking, but what really killed us was the range of motion. I had only to touch my bunny’s belly, and his ears started rapidly bowing. Michelle’s tongue-shaped toy frantically licked the air. Another touch to the tummy and the motion sped. Tap three had them practically convulsing out of our hands.

But wait–there’s more. The Maro Kawaii toys cycle through six levels of stimulation in total. Also, they’re fully waterproof. Aaaaand rechargeable.

Minutes later I was on my distributor’s website, ordering the whole line. There are five Maro Kawaii styles in all, each available in three colors. And–get ready for this–they’re actually affordable. Discovering these toys was like discovering your blind date is a doctor who loves shoe shopping, discussing Downton Abbey, and women who can handle their cheesecake.

A Maro Kawaii bunny came home with me. He never stood a chance. After filming him hopping himself silly around my desk and showing him off to a few friends, we got serious in front of some Hentai.

Just kidding. I tried to get serious in front of some Hentai because I thought he might be into that sort of thing, but I can’t really. I enjoy it, definitely, but it’s not my cup of tea for climaxing. Did I just say, “Not my cup of tea for climaxing?” Wow.

Anyway, I dabbed a little lube behind his ears, and tapped that beautiful belly once. I faced him up, I faced him down, I faced him left and right. If you pull him slightly away, his ears tease and tickle. If you press him to you, the motion slows and the vibrations intensify. Somewhere in between you’ll get that sweet, gentle thumping for which he was made.

I tried all six levels of stimulation and found most of them interesting, but for me, solid speed two was the kicker. Surprise, surprise–I finished in no time at all. I really wasn’t ready for our time together to end, so we shared a little pillow talk (he mostly just nodded) and made plans for tomorrow. I can’t wait to get to know him better, and, if he’s down, his friends too.

Get yours here!