Oh, The Places We Will Go
My first sex toy was Jenna Jameson’s Cherry Popper. It was a purple, jelly contraption with a couple of attached vibrating eggs and it lived in a black plastic bag in a Yaffa bin on the floor of my closet. It was quite the toy for a first timer, but I knew the moment I stepped into the moody toy store full of pony bridles and lace, there was no room for starting small.
It would be several years before Sex in the City would do for the Rabbit what 50 Shades would even later do for Ben Wa, but already dual purpose toys were all the rage. It was common knowledge that women didn’t just want a vibrating shaft upon which to impale themselves. We enjoy, and often prefer, clitoral stimulation. A toy that handled both simultaneously seemed like the answer to all of our desires and surely, there could be nothing better.
But Jenna Jameson’s Cherry Popper was better. It was better because it took the extra step (or took a step back?) and recognized that not every female body is the same and that women enjoy experimentation, variety, and the best of every world at once, just as much as men. The two vibrating eggs, attached to the jelly shaft but on cords long enough for all kinds of manipulation, were wholly satisfying but also wholly versatile. This is why, for many years after one bullet gave out and then the other, my first sex toy was the best I ever had.
I still think of the Cherry Popper from time to time, the way a girl remembers her first–well, cherry popper. I think it must have been love, and maybe it still is, but a few weeks ago I met the Infinit, and I realized just how far we’ve come.
New Sensation Novelties’ Infinit boasts three sturdy silicone shafts with seven vibrating functions that can be controlled independently. Not only can you keep one going at a high vibration, one at a low pulsation, and one completely off if you so desire but each stem is fully bendable and ready to assume whatever position you assign it. This calls for endless vaginal, clitoral, and anal combinations! Even if you’re not into anal stimulation, it’s worth experimenting with it just because you can!
Of course, the Infinit isn’t the only product to revolutionize sex toys since Jenna Jameson was the only pornstar with endorsement deals. The Jimmy Jane form 2 was the first to give us independent clitoral motors and the Muse Massager turned its toothy shape into none other than another rabbit. Not to be forgotten is the queen of clitoral stimulators, Lelo’s Siri, who lives like a pampered mistress in a satin pouch in my mahogany nightstand. (Take that, Yaffa.)
While I lie in the dark twisting my Infinit into endless shapes like a clown with a balloon, the memory of my Cherry Popper fades farther and farther into the past. It will always be my first vibrating love, but what modern girl can ignore the charms of a rechargeable, customizable new friend? I find it hard to believe that sex toys will continue to evolve, that it can possibly get better than this,