I guess the good people at Tantus heard that my butt was open for business, because last week I received two sleek silicone suitors. The first is an unassuming 3.5 inches long with a maximum diameter of 3/4 of an inch. The second vibrates, is half an inch longer and, at its widest, 1.5 inches. You can pick them up separately, but I’d recommend getting the set. You’ll save a few a bucks, and trust me, once you experience the first, you’ll want to try the second.

Because I wanted to embrace each of these gents fully, I decided to review them separately. The following is my encounter with the smaller, non-vibrating plug.

I guess all of the fun I’ve had with my Tingler has made me a bit cocky because I rushed to experiment with plug one under less than optimal conditions. I quickly learned that, while butt stuff might not NOT be my thing, it definitely is not my thing under duress. I aborted my mission, did something else, and set the Perfect Plug aside for another night.

What a difference a mood can make. With a little more time on my hands, and the companionship of a few good friends, the Perfect Plug was a lot more fun. For those of you who are not uber-experienced with anal toys, I offer the following seemingly obvious tips:

1. Line it up correctly. Like, really correctly. A lot of plugs, this one included, become very narrow at the tip. If your placement is off by even a fraction of an inch it’s going to feel like you’re trying to re-pierce and ear that’s halfway healed.

2. Relax. Breathe. It will get better. Sort of like when you’re bent all to hell in a yoga class and then you lean into it in just the right way and suddenly Satan’s Posture is the stretch you never knew you needed, there is an “ah ha” moment in anal.

For me, with the Perfect Plug, it arrived right after the first bulb. Suddenly I was having flashbacks to every positive anal experience I’ve ever had. It was fully in in no time, and I began to focus on other things.

Until I realized that I was able to focus on other things, because it stayed in! It stayed in so marvelously that I became unable to focus on other things and ran my finger over the perfectly curved base, recollecting every customer inquiry into a plug that can be worn all day risking neither ejection nor bulge. This is it, you guys! This is the plug!

I guess I’ve neglected to mention, because I figured you’d know, that both Tantus Plugs are made of Tantus’ own unique silicone formula. They’re velvety smooth, hypo-allergenic, eco-friendly, and even dishwasher safe. The Perfect Plug is strong and solid but flexible, making it literally perfect for any body.

So anyway, I did my thing, mostly ignoring the Perfect Plug but still mindful of its contribution to my experience. When I finished, I finished faster and more intensely than I would have without my new friend. I expect he’ll be my companion on many future excursions. I can’t wait to see what his “big brother” can do.

Get yours here!