Rechargeable G Jack Rabbit – California Exotics
So you know that guy who is just SO CUTE and you can totally tell you’ve got a ton in common? You blush a little every time you see him and the more you learn about him the more certain your future together becomes…. Until you learn that he fucked your friend. But that’s okay, it was a long time ago and it was only one night. There’s no reason that should interfere with the beautiful union that is about to be you and him. But then you find out about his jail time, joblessness, and minor gambling addiction. Still, you’re determined to at least try, because, come on, have you SEEN this guy?
That basically sums up my introduction to the Rechargeable G Jack Rabbit. It’s a well known fact, at least if you pay any attention to me that the rabbit style vibrator is not my favorite. I almost always take my penetrating toys with a side of clitoral stimulation, but I find the convenience of two-in-one (i.e.: bunny ears or the like attached to a shaft) more like annoyance. A clitoral toy should land exactly where I want it and never stray from that spot. It almost seems arrogant that a manufacturer should produce a toy that purports to directly stimulate two spots at once on every woman when every woman’s body is different. But now I’m basically bashing the best selling style of sex toy, so I’ll back up.
And anyway, the point is that I fell for the Rechargeable G Jack Rabbit immediately, despite this. I’ll give you three guesses why.
No. That helps for sure, but that wasn’t it.
2. Jack Rabbit?
NO! Pay attention.
This toy’s g-spot curve is just right. Its smooth, silicone shaft culminates into a bulbous head of the perfect dimensions. It’s firm, yet flexible. And the fact that it curves so sweetly around its little clitoral protrusion made that bunny-earred blemish actually appealing. Who could hate a rabbit nestled within a seemingly perfect instrument of ecstasy? Well, me. But not yet.
When my Jack Rabbit’s lights indicated she was all charged up, I pressed one button and then the other, but she didn’t spring to life. She didn’t do anything. I pressed and held; I pressed and released; I pressed both at once. Nothing. With a sigh, I packaged her up, notified my friends at California Exotics, and waited patiently for her replacement. (This, you guys, is what it feels like to learn he’s fucked your friend.)
When the replacement’s lights indicated she was all charged up, I pressed one button and then the other, but she didn’t spring to life. She didn’t do anything. I pressed and held; I pressed and released; I pressed both at once. I was pretty shocked because Taboo has been carrying these and the rest of the popular Jack Rabbit line for quite some time and I almost never see them returned damaged. I packaged her up, brought her to my office, and asked Tashel to test the Rechargeable G Jack Rabbits on the sales floor.
I won’t go into detail about the circus that followed, but it involved five Taboo Girls, three shops, a distributor, a manufacturer, Google, countless emails, and three time zones. Keeping with the metaphor, this is when I learned that my crush is an unemployed ex-con who recently lost his car at the Black Jack table.
As it turns out, the Rechargeable G Jack Rabbit features a travel lock, an unusual but not unheard of attribute that protects the toy from activating itself in your suitcase. To unlock it, the user must press both buttons at the same time. After that, the bunny powers on when you hit AND RELEASE the top button (most similar toys require that you HOLD the button) and the shaft responds in kind to the bottom button. It sounds simple enough, but I assure you, I’m adept at turning on sex toys. If I were in a beauty pageant, it would probably be my talent. The fact that this toy stumped my entire chain of shops is pretty ridiculous–almost as ridiculous as expecting this rabbit style vibrator would be somehow DIFFERENT.
But, actually, part of it was. That shaft was everything I wanted it to be. The beautiful head that had initially seduced me slid immediately into place. It felt a little like the Gigi and even a little like Njoy. Unfortuantely, it was accompanied by a pest of a bunny, buzzing all around places it didn’t belong. The tender curve of the shaft actual made its placement worse.
As I said, all women are shaped differently and I’m certain for some, this bunny will land in just the right spot. For me, it landed too low to offer any real benefit. It was bothersome and in the way. Even positioning it with my free hand failed because its so stiff. It was obvious after just a few minutes that my best bet was to ignore the rabbit all together, so I turned that part off and reached for Siri instead.
And then, we had a nice time. A really nice time. If the shaft would ditch her bunny buddy, I think we’d be great friends. She’s a true g-spot professional and her ten functions of vibration and pulsation are powerful and fun. I especially enjoyed level three, which I’ll call machine gun, and I rarely enjoy pulsation at all.
But as long as that deceptively cute critter is around, I think the Rechargeable G Jack Rabbit and I just aren’t meant to be. It was a fun fling, but if we keep falling into bed we’re going to hurt each others feelings and I might end up with a regrettable tattoo and an empty savings account.