The Rock – Nalone
Inviting an new line of toys into my stores and, inevitably, my bed, is exciting. It’s akin to acquiring a new partner or tasting a unfamiliar cheese. Unfortunately, too much of a good thing can be hazardous, confusing, and lead to obesity. Therefore, I’m careful when choosing new vendors.
To get my attention, a solicitor’s outreach must be personal, professional, and provide immediate evidence of a full and outstanding product line. Or, if said solicitor is George from Femme Funn, it could just be “We make those adorable and affordable toys with faces.”
To be fair, that’s not what George said. His email was personal and professional but he basically had me at hello because I’d already picked up his Funn Buddies. These four little guys flew from our shelves as soon as they landed, and I was eager to get my hands on my own. George told me he had new toys to show and I invited him to my office, with a heavy hint that a Funn Buddy would make a welcome hostess gift.
George’s suitcase of vibrating Funn was impressive. After I’d taken note of several toys to introduce to Taboo, I wondered if he’d remembered my request for a Funn Buddy for review. “Oh yeah,” he said, “I’ve got one of each for you, and a few other things as well.” And that’s about the time I fell in love with George.
A Funn Buddy would no doubt have been my first review from the bounty George left behind, except I’ve been having so much fun playing with them in my office (not like THAT, you guys) that I keep neglecting to bring them home. So I’ll temporarily shut up about their beautiful, blissful faces and introduce you to their just as exciting friend, The Rock massager.
There are a few reasons it could be called The Rock. The subtle diamond texture of its shaft is equally reminiscent of an intricately cut diamond and this guy:
It’s every bit as intense as this guy:
I’m still trying to block out this guy:
The Rock is one of two wand style massagers George left in my capable hands. It’s essentially Nalone’s starter wand, but don’t suspect for a second that its elementary. Nalone, by the way, is a mash up of the words “never alone.” I like my vibrators just as I enjoy my cheese (alone,) but I appreciate the sentiment.
The Rock is silicone, rechargeable, and features seven levels of vibration and pulsation. It’s relatively compact and velvety, with a nicely sized head atop a super bendy neck. Levels one through three are steady vibration, of course, and four through seven feature pulsation.
I honestly only forced myself beyond level one for the sake of science. On low, its vibrations are that of an impending avalanche a couple of miles away. Oh wait… “The Rock!”
Level two is the speed I’d prefer after two glasses of wine and a relatively recent orgasm. Level three might be too much for me ever. Pulsation, which is never my thing, is maddening with this toy. Its vibration is so intense that its immediate absence is torture.
So how does The Rock’s performance compare to that of its peers?
It’s pretty close in price to the Bodywand Rechargeable and the Bodywand Aqua Mini, and it features the best of both. Like the Aqua Mini, its size is convenient. Like the full size rechargeable, its rumbling power leaves one wanting for nothing.
For its size and shape, I also compared it to the Jimmy Jane Iconic Wand Petite. This is the only battery powered toy of the bunch, and its price is about half. It’s plastic instead of silicone and not as powerful as the others. I love my Iconic Wand Petite, and he’s perfect of the price, but he’s not in these guys’ league.
Personally, I think you should collect all four. And all four Funn Buddies and the other Nalone Wand I was gifted, Taboo Toy Review to come. But if you’re choosing just one, the Rock is a solid choice. The size is right, the rumble is right, and the dry-skinned superhero is kind of cute, too.
The Rock is available at Taboo or email firstname.lastname@example.org to place an order. Shop other wand style massagers here!