The Top 5 Sexiest Songs of All Time
Let me start off by saying that if you’re tempted to dispute me on any of this, don’t. I’ve spend many a day and night sorting this out. Once I even got so immersed (and/or high) I forgot what I was doing and wrote a poem about the first time I experienced sexual arousal. (Thank you, Michael Hutchence.) I promise you, this list is legit.
1. Need you Tonight–INXS
Speak of the devil.
You never forget your first time. My first experience with sexual arousal occurred when I saw this video. I was in the playroom at my grandparents’ house. My grandmother was battling cancer and my mom was with her in her bedroom when I found MTV. We didn’t have cable so it was my first time experiencing Michael, shirtless in his leather jacket, telling me that my moves were so raw, that I was one of his kind.
2. Nice & Slow–Usher
This one wins for the song, not the video, full as it is of classic shot from below dance moves/crotch viewing. The song wants a sensual Boyz II Men vibe but instead it’s more reminiscent of Contagious except that that story made sense.
I don’t even have a great reason why this song is so hot. I’m afraid examining it will ruin it so I’m just going to hazard the following guesses and move on:
- He just wants to take it nice and slow.
- He repeatedly mutters in the background suggestions that we tell him what we want to do to him, which offers a nice balance of aggression.
- He spells his own name. Confidence is hot.
- Speaking of, he’s going to freak me right, he will, he’s going to freak me like no one has ever made me feel.
- This: I’ve got plans to put my hands in places I’ve never seen, girl you know what I mean.
3. Truffle Butter–Nicki Minaj but this is about Lil Wayne
Truffle butter on your pussy
Cuddle buddies on the low
You ain’t gotta tell your friend
That I eat it in the morning
‘Cause she gonna say “I know”
Can I hit it in the bathroom?
Put your hands on the toilet
I’ll put one leg on the tub
Girl, this my new dance move
I just don’t know what to call it
But bitch you dancing with the stars
I ain’t nothin’ like your last dude
What’s his name? Not important.
I have actually role played this in my bathroom with a toy.
4. Physical (You’re So)–Nine Inch Nails
Originally by Adam and the Ants (1980,) Trent Reznor took an already darkly sexy song and made it darker and sexier. The versions are strikingly similar but while Adam’s is governed by punk, Trent’s is achingly sexual, complete with grunts and moans that I spent many a teenage night imagining were in response to me.
5. I Want Your Sex–George Michael
In a moment of uncharacteristic insecurity, I deluded myself into thinking that I didn’t actually have the answer for number five but of course, it’s been inside of me (pun sort of intended, no judgement please) all along.
I Want Your Sex is arguably one of the sexiest songs of all time. Its arousing in its simplicity and inspiring in its ability to titillate all genders. There are silk sheets and a moment when George Michael implies that he’s fucked your sister. This is after, mind you, he’s interrupted a perfectly sexy song by writing “monogamy” on his partner’s back.
Sex is best when it’s one on one, he chants, his strange shift towards an after school movie reflected in his formally twinkling eyes. The video cuts to silk sheets.
The song’s final refrain, Don’t you know I love you til it hurts me baby; don’t you think it’s time you had sex with me, and again, What’s your definition of dirty baby what do you call pornography? Don’t you know I love you til it hurts me baby; don’t you think it’s time you had sex with me? Ow! Sex with me~ Ow! Sex with me, mmm have sex with me c-c-c–c-cmon is a little desperate and a lot me too but at the time all you could do was look at his one dangling cross earring and think, “yes, please.”
Even though I ultimately excluded you, a big thank you to everyone who chimed in. You are all sexy music genius I’d love for you pieces to penetrate my bedroom playlist. I intended to list a few of my favorites here but I find myself with too much to say so I’ll share in a separate post tomorrow.
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