A couple of months ago, I got an email from the folks at Sexpert.com asking if I’d like to review a strap-on by Perfect Fit. I responded with a resounding “yes.” Then I forwarded her email to my partner, who did not respond with a responding “yes.”

When my new toy arrived, I took super-sexy erotic photos of myself wearing it (see below.) Still, he wasn’t swayed. We kicked around a few ideas and settled on the most rational solution: I would fuck a piece of fruit.

I stepped into Zoro on a quiet morning alone, and was immediately impressed by its comfort. Zoro’s wide, elastic bands aren’t adjustable, but they’re stretchy and solid enough to fit most bodies. I also really liked the way this jock style strap hugged my ass. It felt very secure, and it inspired a few pictures of my butt.

After skipping around my bedroom for a while, testing its stability and enjoying its shaft’s bounce, I headed to the fridge for a grapefruit. Wouldn’t you know it, I was all out of grapefruit.

Zoro is available in 5.5  and 6.5 inch options. Mine is the more modest, but that’s still too much for a plum, so I closed the refrigerator and considered other options. I enjoyed fondling “myself” as I roamed around my house. After eyeing the sultry slot where the mattress meets the box springs, I decided to enlist the Fleshlight I sometimes use as a pencil holder.

Fast forward five minutes, and I had a fully satisfied Fleshlight on my hands. I also had a phallus that hadn’t inconveniently shifted and an unbruised pubic bone, thanks to Zoro’s form fitting, molded base plate. The base plate and dildo form a single piece of superior silicone that opens just under the shaft. This allows easy access to the wearer’s vagina, or an easy exit for his penis. That’s convenient, because even though Zoro is hollow, I can’t imagine it would be a comfortable vehicle for even a moderately hung man.

Perfect Fit believes that separate harnesses and dildos are an ineffective “mashup of products.” With lower-end lines this is often true, but it doesn’t apply to our favorite harnesses, like Rodeoh, Vac-U-Lock, and Spare Parts. I will happily admit, however, that Perfect Fit Zoro is the most comfortable and secure harness I’ve worn. I enjoyed every moment with it this afternoon, and I look forward to exploring its other uses.